SYTYCD – Team high school musical is, like, so whatever (Originally for Clique Clack Television)

Call the pairing of Nathan and Mollee whatever you want, but I will call them out for what they’ve been — lucky. They’re very lucky America is stupid.

While Nigel was maybe too harsh on Nathan for the wrong reasons (using the words “hot” and “cool” are not signs of immaturity), both he and Mollee were by far the worst of this week. So far they’ve been lucky enough to get good dances in popular categories like Bollywood. In fact, I’d argue that they also lucked out as far as this week went — Latin ballroom is usually a universal crowd-pleaser. It’s fast, it’s fun, and it’s sexy, unlike, say, slow waltz or contemporary. If Mollee and Nathan don’t have the maturity to handle  this, how are they supposed to handle the rest of the competition?

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Glee – Artie’s no longer dancing with himself (Originally for Clique Clack Television)

I have been saying from the very beginning that Artie and Tina needed better storylines, especially Artie, who I’ve wanted to have more singing from ever since I learned he used to be a member of the most wonderfully cheesetastic boy band ever. And then — this week. Oh, this week!

Sure, there were some other great moments — Puck with his special brownies and devotion to Quinn, Kurt and his dad, and of course, the Diva-Off which was the emotional underscore of the episode. But nothing — nothing! — can take away from Artie, the true star of the week.

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Five reasons why this season of SYTYCD still isn’t doing it for me (Originally for Clique Clack Television

1. No voting, plus weird scheduling

Nothing kills a good show faster than having it be inconsistently timed. I understand Fox was trying to work around the World Series, but what that resulted in was irregular timing to the extreme. And on top of that, it resulted in the judges choosing who stays and who goes. Isn’t this supposed to be the search for America’s favorite dancer? If I cared about who the judges thought was the best dancer, I’d have tuned in for the Vegas weeks. There’s  reason I didn’t.

2. No rotating fourth judge

Don’t get me wrong – I’m still as much of a fan of Adam as I ever was, which is to say, a huge one. But I think So You Think You Can Dance needs to get over itself and realize that Paula Abdul just isn’t that into them. Give it up and bring in a new voice, please. At this point, I even miss Lil’ C.

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Troy and Abed: the best BFF ever (Originally for Clique Clack Television)

This is going to come out wrong, but I’m going to say it anyway: my favorite part of Community is always the end. Not because I don’t love the show, because I totally, totally do. I think this show is freaking awesome. But, easily, the best 38 seconds of my week, every week is the tag at the end of each episode with Abed (played by Danny Pudi) and Troy (played by Donald Glover).

I’m not sure what exactly drew Troy and Abed together character-wise. After all, they’re hardly shown together during the actual show, and they couldn’t be more different. Troy was the popular kid in high school, and Abed is what I would refer to euphemistically as “socially inept.” Whatever made them bond, I’m glad it worked, because how else would we have rapping in Spanish, prank PA announcements or conversations with Batman about turning into a doughnut?

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Step it up, So You Think You Can Dance (Originally for Clique Clack Television)

What’s going on with you, So You Think You Can Dance?  I’m willing to put up with you, and your eight billion weeks of auditions, and your strange scheduling (a showcase followed by two shows in one? What is this tomfoolery?), and your flat (if well-done) dances, but this is only because I love you. If I didn’t love you, I would not be dealing with your shenanigans.

It seems to me So You Think You Can Dance can only handle one big spectacular per week, and when they stretch themselves too thin, the quality severely suffers. I understand the difficulty involved in scheduling around the World Series, but this is just ridiculously confusing. If I had my way, I think that they should have done the introductory show (having that was a good idea, and a way to catch up everyone like me who couldn’t bear to sit through two months of auditions) and waited until after the World Series to resume regular scheduling instead of having this nonsense where the judges decide for us. What was even the point of that? Aren’t we supposed to have a say? Color me confused and unimpressed by these stunts.

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Two Thursday night shows everyone should watch (or at least Tivo) (Originally for Clique Clack Television)

Thursday night is a crazy night for everyone, I know. My DVR comes this close to exploding weekly with the marathon I put it through.  I watch 7 shows, which amounts to 6 hours of television in one night. It’s crazy and ridiculous and from what I hear, everyone has this predicament. And I am going to suggest you add to it.

No, not 30 Rock. You should know by now that you’re missing out big time by not watching this show, and if no one else has convinced you, I certainly won’t be able to. (But if you’re not watching, what is wrong with you?) No, I’m talking about two teeny-tiny fledgling shows no one’s watching and everyone should be — Community and Ace of Cakes.

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There goes this future bride (originally for Clique Clack Television)

If conventional wisdom is to be believed, every little girl dreams of her wedding day with the same raptness devoted to wanting to be a princess or ballerina, only unlike these dreams, this one never dies.

These little girls clearly never watched television.

There are tons and tons of shows dedicated to every aspect of the wedding day, and most of them are on TLC or Lifetime. I’ve always had a sort of sick fascination with them. They’re good for watching when my sister’s around or I’ve got a mindless chore to do, like cleaning stringbeans. As I get older, though, and marriage becomes, well, not a looming possibility — because I’m only in my early twenties — but something that’s suddenly actually an option instead of a far-away fairy tale, the idea of engaging in these bridezilla wars or going to these ridiculous lengths for the perfect gown, the more these shows make me want to take my stringbean knife and impale myself upon it.

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The unpublished journal of Sue Sylvester (Originally for Clique Clack Television)

Dear Journal,

It’s only been one day since bringing the pregnant She-Schuester on board, and so far no dice. I’ve always been told that I need to wait for my plans to unfold, but I’ve never trusted things that fold or take a long time to happen, which is why I’ve never trusted origami. If anything, half of the members of Glee club seem, dare I say it, chirpy. I don’t like chirping either. There was once a nest of baby birds outside my kitchen window and I shot the whole group of them.

Comforted myself by watching tonight’s Gossip Girl, but even that didn’t make me feel better. I used to really admire that Blair Waldorf and even wrote to her several times asking her to join my Cheerios. I assume I never got a reply because she was overwhelmed by the honor. Unfortunately, however, she seems to have chosen to date Chuck, whose clothing is worse than that little Liberace impersonator Schuester’s added to his flock of miscreants. I can only hope that Waldorf, along with the rest of the world, comes to her senses, and fast.

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How Thursday night made me a crybaby (Originally for Clique Clack Television)

I’m still thinking about Thursday night’s TV. Partially because it took me until yesterday to finish watching all of it,  and partially because it made me cry. Twice.

For the sake of full disclosure I should admit that it’s around that time of the month where I’m feeling a little more weepy than usual. (Other things that have recently made me cry: a poem, watching Dan in Real Life, watching America’s Sweethearts.) I mean, I’m not exactly bursting into tears left and right, I’m just… pre-disposed. And Thursday night’s television took that pre-disposition pony and rode it all around the park until I was sitting on my couch, swiping my eyes and going, “What the hell just happened?”

And why was it so awesome?

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Arrested Development keeps playing games with my heart (Originally for Clique Clack Television)

Since The Curious Case of Benjamin Button got made, it was inevitable that a new movie would take its place in the “will-it-won’t-it” category of perpetual confusion. And taking Benjamin’s place? Arrested Development.

Today news was released that a screenplay is in the works, but, the article notes, that doesn’t mean we should expect anything, since none of the actors have signed on.

Maybe it’s shows like Community that have me longing for more Arrested Development. After all Community also features the younger, socially-incapable guy (Abed) and the older, trying-to-be-cool guy (Pierce). There was a beauty pageant plot on Parks and Recreation, which bore some strong resemblance to the episode where Maeby wins an inner beauty pageant and George Michael decides to join the army after Steve Holt and his dad compete in a triathlon together. That whole storyline with Andy questioning his sexuality on The Office made me miss Tobias more than I think anyone ever should.

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